April 28, 2008

10 Rules for engaging the Social Web

by Brian Turner

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I was speaking with Anil Dash a while back, and it turns out we both shared the same problem - posting negative comments online, which can come back and bite us on the ass.

The problem is that while internet communications are currently text-driven, the actual social interactions taking place abide by the same principles of human social engagement.

Inferring the more subtle social signals relating to mood, tone, and inference - such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and hand gestures - have found blunt proxies in the use of emoticons, such as smilie faces.

As as many of you have probably found long ago, you risk potential conflict through misunderstand where you overlook applying these signals to provide a proper context to your reading and writing online.

The really serious danger, though, is that you embrace the anonymous text-driven internet at face value, and engage it as an anonymous text-driven environment and overlook the underlying core social elements.

The result is of making statements that you would never dare to make in a normal offline situation.

Keeping control of your presence

This is a really bad mistake I’ve been making a lot recently.

I’m a natural cynic, but there is difference between healthy skepticism, and unhealthy cynicism. As Oscar Wilde once said, “A cynic knows the price of everything, the value of nothing.”

Previously, I would try to be the epitome of diplomacy. I would spend long hours agonising on perfecting individual sentences to community my intentions as clearly but positively as possible.

Nowadays, my workload has been so incredibly hectic that when surfing online communities, I’ve posted thoughtlessly, with brevity, carelessness, and sheer social incompetence.

At best, it invites people to think I’m an arrogant smartass. At worst, it invites people to become enemies for my mistakes.

All because of lack of social awareness in the social web.

The Social Web

The Social Web is a term that can be used to describe any form of social engagement online.

While Web 2.0 communities such as Facebook and Stumbleupon receive a lot of focus with this, it’s important to remember that social engagement happens everywhere online.

After all, every website is not simply a collection of code - it is a social node in itself. A real person, or group of persons, is usually involved in running a website.

However, social engagement happens in any form of communications channel that occurs using the internet, for example:

1. Forums/messageboards
2. Email
3. Instant messenger
4. Social media
5. Feedback sites

The reality is that any negative communications you disseminate can remain online for a very long time - providing ample opportunity to see your personality flaws and your reputation tarnished, which in business terms is probably not a very good thing.

10 Rules for Internet Social Engagement

These are recommendations I’ve made to others when advising how to engage in social environments.

I know I’ve broken many of these “rules”, especially recently, hence the need to remind myself of them and pay more attention to my own advice:

1. If you wouldn’t say it offline, don’t post it online

In other words, if you were in an offline social situation, and you would state your comments in a certain way, then do the same online. Good reasons for not saying something offline apply online.

2. Keep criticism constructive

Criticism carries negative connotations as it is, so to avoid being part of the negative - post something constructive instead.

3. If you have nothing positive to say, shut the fck up

If you feel you’re going to post something negative, consider if it’s going to serve any useful purposes. If criticism, then see point #2. If it has no discernible positive outcome, step away from the keyword and then do something more useful instead.

4. Don’t post in anger

Posting in anger is easy and potentially very damaging. If you feel your blood boiling, step away from the keyword, take a break, wonder if there’s something more constructive you could do with your time. Funnily enough, once cooled down, many anger posts are due to miscommunication.

5. Personal criticisms off the record

If you want to criticise someone whom you’ll need to keep some kind of friendly or respectful relations with, then don’t do it in public. If you really must criticise them, try a private email, to keep the process constructive, clear misunderstandings, and pave the way for positive future relations.

6. Good manners are like gold

There’s an ancient saying that good manners are like gold. Consideration for others, saying “please” and “thank you” at appropriate times, and generally showing a degree of respect. After all, showing respect is showing someone honour and a degree of appreciation.

7. Answer everything

Time is a premium and no matter how inundated with emails or PM’s, try to reply individually when time allows, preferably ASAP. Note - the longer those replies are left, the more of a monster task it builds up into. If someone asks a question you have no time to answer, reference a useful site for answers, even better if one you have an interest in.

8. Be honest

If asked for an opinion, consider the above pointers and reply as required. Say what you feel you like, be reserved about saying what you don’t like. Your positive preferences speak volumes, but careless negative comments can drown them.

9. Be respectful

Presume everyone is a decent person until they prove otherwise. Respond with that positive outlook, and the chances are people will respond that way with you.

Even if someone feels a little annoying, you may call on their help one day. As Bond actor Roger Moore said, “The people you meet when you go up in the world, are the same people you meet coming down again”.

10. Apologise

If ever you find yourself clearly in the wrong, apologise. There is little benefit in looking like an a-hole and then walking away - better any public record that sees you act like an a-hole be followed with your apology. At least that way, you comes across as a half-decent human being, which is a damn site better than just being an a-hole.

Overall - engaging the social web

Engaging the social web in a positive way isn’t about trying to project a certain image, protect your reputation, or attempt to hide your flaws.

On the contrary - it’s about being a good human being - the fact that you make the effort to be positive and constructive makes it easier for you to be seen as respected, approachable, decent, knowledgable, and understanding.

More importantly, in business terms, it makes you appear professional.

I’ve been making a real mess of how I’ve been engaging the social web online recently. Time to correct that, and be professional - and human - with the people I meet on the internet.

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Story link: 10 Rules for engaging the Social Web

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